|"Your Party Won't Stop? We can help."|
|Storyline Arc||The Adventure Began|
|Number of EP||8|
|Date of Release||Jan 28, 2014|
|Appearing characters||Gregor, Aesling, Markus, Captain Aftin, Buddy, Instructor Tiller, Colfus|
Plot Synopsis Edit
As the group enters the fort, they are stopped in the corridor by Captain Aftin, who mutters something about being 'almost ready'. While his talkative golem asks Ashe how the trial went, Aftin leads Markus and Gregor to the main hall, where they are welcomed to the Order by the other apprentices and given multiple mugs of ale.
Aftin then explains they found the head a long time ago and are just lying to the Altreian government so that the Order is continually funded to find it. Ashe drags Gregor away from the crowd as Markus approves of the Captain's method and is carried to a keg stand.
Gregor suggests they stage a coup, to which Ashe agrees. Aftin's talkative golem asks if they mean to kill all the paladins - a literal coup, or simply complete the quest without them knowing it. Ashe clarifies it's the latter, and the golem offers to take them to where the head was sealed. They decide to take Markus along and drag him away from the party, following the golem.
Outside, Ashe notes it feels rude to just call it 'the golem' and Markus writes 'Ruddy' on its forehead. It sighs, protesting slightly and Gregor takes the cue and smears his thumb wound below the R, turning it into B. The golem, now named Buddy, approves.
It leads them to a chasm, informing the trio that Aftin discovered it ten years ago. Markus takes the initiative, jumping into the ravine, followed by the other three shortly. They land in a dungeon of sorts, scattered torches lighting the area dimly. Ashe pulls another torch out of her bag, giving it to Markus to light it. He snaps it in half and lights both of the halves.
They continue onwards, arriving at a room with a strange pillar in the center. In its entrance is a stone lined with runes which Markus touches, activating a trap. The pillar begins to spit darts, aimed by a golem who appears in its center; Ashe and Markus, being in the front, are peppered with them immediately. They run for cover and Ashe starts yelling at Markus. She's calmed down by Gregor.
Markus, using Buddy as a moving cover, attempts to deactivate the machine by detonating the pillar golem's head with an Eldritch Blast. The trap, now unfocused, begins to spin, sending darts flying everywhere and ricocheting them from walls. Ashe yells at Markus again, but he disregards her, simply yelling at her and Gregor to 'follow his lead' and making a mad dash to the room's exit.
Seeing a blood-covered body, he attempts to climb under it to shelter himself from the darts only to discover the man is not dead. They talk for a bit, the man saying he's a paladin as well. The episode ends as they lay on the ground, bleeding out.
- Though Aftin's golem is essentially named 'Buddy' from this episode on, Markus still reverts to 'Ruddy'.
- Golem: "Oh..when you said 'coup', I thought you meant a literal coup, as in a slaughter of all of these paladins. The process would be quite simple."
- Ashe: "I don't.."
- Gregor: "Oh, totally."
- Ashe: "Not everyone is obnoxious, loud and irresponsible. Some people are only one of the above."
- Ashe: "I'm sure he's in it just for the.."
- Gregor: "Money."
- Ashe: "..the excitement."
- Markus: off screen, drunkenly "I'm in it for the booooze!"
- Markus: drunkenly "Where we going? Back outside? That's good," mumbling "I have to throw up somewhere.."
- Markus: "I don't know why you're blaming me for that."
- Ashe: "Why- would I not blame you for that?"
- Markus: "Because if I hadn't put my hand in there, Gregor would have?"
- Ashe: "Would he have?!" turning to the now arriving Gregor "Would you have?!"
- Gregor: "Yeah."
- GM: You notice the number of darts in the back Gregor's head is slowly building up. He doesn't seem to notice.
- Markus: I take shelter under this dead body.
- Colfus: "I'm not dead!"
- Markus: slurring "Oh, we were too cool for school so I guess sold into slavery to some paladins and now we have to prostitute ourselves to find a golem head.."
- Colfus: also slurring "Oh, that's pretty crazy I'm a paladin too and it might just be the blood loss but I think you have horns. Did you know that?"
- Markus: begins laughing half-drunkenly
|The Adventure Began|
|"Hard Times, Hard Crimes" - "Message in a Bottle Episode" - "We Don't Need No Accountability" - "Your Party Won't Stop? We can help." - "Can't Quit When You're Just a Head" - "Two Down, One to Go" - "Let's Play House, Let's Play Doctor" - "So Long, Farewell, Good Riddance"|