"We're the Actual Monsters"
Storyline Arc The Shrouded Isles (arc)
Number of EP 16
Date of Release Apr 1, 2014
Appearing characters Gregor, Markus, Aesling, Dont
Location The Shrouded Isles
"We're the Actual Monsters" is the fourth episode of The Shrouded Isles (arc). The trio, after discussing the situation over with Dont, find themselves separated as Markus and Gregor fly to the island of Tesir using a giant cannon of a human inventor who lives near the village.

Plot Synopsis Edit

The episode begins as the spiritfolk in the community center cheer for the three for dispatching the ink monsters. Dont, however, protests against this, saying that they're clearly not spiritfolk.

After some arguing, she admits she was just apprehensive because of Markus' hypnosis, which led to her having cat-like tendencies, like chasing yarn or scratching furniture.

Markus questions this, and she shrinks into her regular form - a pigbat. This reveals that the Alarani back in Meadshire did not, in fact, make the pigbat species up, something that makes Ashe upset.

Dont goes on to say that since the sea monster's arrival, no spiritfolk on the island can die anymore. She mentions she actually made an extremely poisonous pie that she was going to share with the rest of the island's inhabitants to 'do ghost things'.

Having taken half of the pie, Markus is astounded by this and casts Detect Poison on himself, realizing that he is indeed severely poisoned. Gregor doesn't seem bothered, showing an extremely lax approach to dying. Ashe points out that there's still all the pain Markus will have to endure. The latter agrees and goes outside to - presumably - vomit.

Dont tells the remaining two that since the spiritfolk aren't able to move between islands to get to their houses (because of the monster), they have to stay in community centres and buildings of the sort. Ashe asks if they don't get any visitors, to which Dont says they do not, and that the three are about the second or third humans visiting the Isles.

Markus returns, stating they're not humans and collapsing on a table. Dont continues, informing the group that most of the spiritfolk have moved in after the fall of Grius. Ashe asks her if there's any way the spiritfolk could help the three defeat the monster. Dont says that the ones that got eaten by it did not return, so they should avoid that. She offers to teleport them, warning them that that would probably cause a lot of area destruction - Ashe refuses. Dont then says that a human they've 'put up with' lives on the edge of the village, and that he might be able to help. Ashe thanks her and the trio heads there.

They find what Dont has described as a 'shack' to be a well-constructed house. There's a pair of giant cannons behind it. Upon stepping inside, they note the large amount of various machinery scattered about. Markus finds a lever with a note that describes how incredible and 'much more advanced than [Dont's] teleportation' the device that the lever activates is and that a potion has helped remedy its side effects (=death). Gregor is excited by how quickly they've found a method of transportation, but Ashe, still doubtful about whether or not they'll be able to return to life again, refuses to use it.

Markus pulls the lever. It reveals a trapdoor that leads inside the cannons. He is willing to look for another way to travel across the sea, however, while retrieving Gregor from the second cannon, Gregor pushes a giant red button inside it, sending them both rocketing away and giving Ashe several new reasons to strangle them both in their sleep.

Trivia Edit

  • Gregor mentions he knits and that he, presumably, dislikes pie.
  • Kier appears in the episode's thumbnail, very sneakily.

Quotes Edit

  • Gregor: "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Man, I could really go for a glass of milk."
  • Markus: I put my head into my hands.

  • Ashe: "Think back to whenever we were in Meadshire! 'Adventurer' meant something completely different there. 'Monster' could mean something completely different here.
  • Gregor: "That's stupid. Monsters are gross."
  • Dont: "Please, we prefer the term 'spiritfolk'. We come from all over. Monsters- if you really think about it, humans are far closer to what you call 'monsters'!"
  • Gregor: "Yeah, Ashe! We're the real monsters!" hesitates "Well, we would be, if we were human." laughs nervously "..oof. Moo..moo."

  • Gregor: "I came to accept my love for yarn."

  • Gregor: "All pie is poison."

  • Markus: I'm going to lift up my shirt, place both of my hands on my belly and cast Detect Poison.
  • GM: Your eyes widen.

  • Dont: "Well, I wouldn't call him 'amiable'.. have you ever met an angry dog before?"
  • Ashe: "Many times, yes."
  • Dont: "Imagine that, except..a little smarter and much louder."

  • Gregor: "..he's not gonna eat the lever."

  • Markus: "Gregor, I'm not saying you should push the button, but I think we should heavily consider-"
  • Ashe: "Don't go shooting yourself out of a cannon!"
  • Markus: "-the possible boons of, pushing that button, which would include-"
  • Gregor: Smack.
The Shrouded Isles (arc)
"High Tides, Higher Tempers" - "Ghost Beach Episode" - "Behold the Humblecow" - "We're the Actual Monsters" - "Side Effects May Include" - "Refusal to Comply" - "Mundane for Life" - "Man on Fire" - "Easy Problems for Difficult People" - "So Much To Do About Nothing" - "Group Huddle"